Nintendogs.

For my early birthday present, I really yearn to get the Nintendo DSI and a game of Nintendogs. I remember when I use to play this constantly a few years ago. I miss it completely, so I'm crossing my fingers for it.

New photo of me.

Wordpress... not for me.

I thought I would be impressed by Wordpress, but I'm not. Blogspot is for me. Blogspot is just more... it's better, Wordpress is not. I wasn't impressed by Wordpress except for it's layouts. That's about it. I hope I didn't betray Blogspot, I just wanted to check Wordpress out.

This is me from when I was a toddler.

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas again and I only asked for clothes. That's exactly what I received and I also got a purple watch. The clothes are dark, just the way I like them. They are sweaters, but most are with shorter sleeves. Also I got jeans, also dark. There were so many presents under the tree for me. And it made me feel bad that there was none for my parents, except I had burned a CD for my mother, but I got absolutely nothing for my father. I'm thinking of using that $50, not for me, but for my father.
He deserves it. I haven't been proving how much I appreciate him lately. But I don't want to just buy him something, I want to make a poster for him. Take some pictures of us to print and post them on the poster. Buy some arts to make the poster really amazing.
Then I'll put "I love you, father." as the main title.

Lisa is truly my favorite! Why can't I just permanently realize that?

Michael Jackson
Nirvana
Whitney Houston (I never really liked her.)
The Band Perry (I never really liked them.)
Leann Rimes (I never really liked her.)
Shania Twain (Ehh... she's alright.)

They aren't my favorite. Lisa is. Why can't I just permanently stick that to my brain like glue? Lisa is truly, forever my favorite. I know she is. Though I still keep going through these phases. My last phase was Nirvana, though they're still my second favorite. Nirvana was my longest phase of being first. But they're definitely not first, it's Lisa.

Lisa's music still interests me after eight months of listening to her. No other artist has ever done that. I love you, Lisa! :)

Everyone Is Beautiful.

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/everyone-is-beautiful

I made this spot because it's true. Everyone is beautiful in every single way. Everyone is unique. Everyone is beautiful because there's not any clones. Not even twins are the exact same. I hope everyone will soon believe they're beautiful and most will join this spot and keep it alive to prove to everyone they are beautiful. It's so sad that many teenagers are insecure these days, including me. So don't be insecure, be happy you're beautiful. :)

I really want to eat dinner with my family.

I'll only be able to eat with my dad and mother, none of my other family. It feels lonely without them, it makes me cry. That's all I really want, because I haven't seen my three uncles in God knows when. I also haven't seen my aunt on my dad's side in forever.
This makes me feel terrible about my life. It makes me want to change even more. It inspires me to be out more, to be more nicer, to be more thankful that I have family. It makes me feel even worse to remember that I never visited my aunt Vicki before she didn't win the battle of cancer. It makes me regret not visiting and talking to her more. I hardly even knew her.
I just found out I'll be able to see my aunt and two uncles on my dad's side of the family tomorrow... on Christmas. But I probably won't get to see my other uncle. He's had a hard life, even harder than I. He spent time with the wrong people. I couldn't even see him since I was four, now I am able to, but it's too hard because I cry every time I see him and he seems like he couldn't care less.

Michael Jackson and LMP - Drawing.

New Formspring.

http://www.formspring.me/AimieDawn

I made a new Formspring because I had too much troll rants on my older one. I had unprotected my account and I was too lazy to delete all the rants. Because of all the inappropriate rants I had gotten in my inbox, I responded brutally. It made me think. I thought about how people outside of the Internet would would think about me, would think about what I'm saying. I had a long thought about it. So I'm changing slowly and by the time it's New Year's, I want to be a whole new person. I'll still like the music I admire now. I'm not going to change that and I won't change my personality. Just improve it in a positive way.

Formspring is downhill.

It's all because of one person. Why can't Formspring go back to how it used to be? No trolls, just real people. A real Formspring fam between me, Rachel, Dyme, Sonny, IBG, Kooky, Allie, Lucy (both), Elle, and Kee$. I miss that. Now one person ruined it all. Told everyone I was sudicial and that I want to kill myself. Then telling everyone to kill themselves like Kurt Cobain. That's when I just put my account back on protection, I was SICK OF IT. I don't know why I took my account off protection in the first place. Was I bored? I'm about to just make a whole new Formspring. I know that's annoying, but really... I'm too lazy to take all those troll questions off my page. I'm never going to take my page off protection ever again. The only questions I'll answer are reasonable, sensible ones.

Project for Science.

Well I went up to Wal Mart today and bought all the content I needed for my project. I was trying to be colorful here, to help stop my depression. But then again, I used some dark colors, because I love darkness. I need to put the title on my project though and it'll be the name of the element. I was assigned calcium.

Current Phone Wallpaper.

                                                                 Kurt Cobain!

I know I can't draw. I'm not a professional.

I can't stop laughing! I failed at drawing Kurt Cobain! I'm not much of a drawer in the first place and I only took like twenty minutes on this. Yea, I'm trying to make myself feel better by stating that, but I really don't care. I can't believe how crooked I drew it!

I can't find the exact picture I was using, but it's something like this.

I have one sister removed...

I wish I didn't have to stop speaking to her, but I've been hearing so much shit that I don't know what to think or say anymore. I'm just going to be done with this. I will not be speaking about her or the situation. I miss her though. I'm going to be honest. I miss those times on the phone and when she was there for me... But that's never going to come back, because I have a feeling she's furious.

What I thought yesterday about him... ♥

He's walking towards the other side of the room now. I pictured him sitting beside me moments before and now, he's walking towards me. He sits right beside me. We see a new life through a screen. As a boy jokes about it, he calls him a douche. 

Why? What's the reason for calling the boy a douchebag whenever I laugh? He kept saying jokes about the movie, so why can't the boy? He hates the sound of the movie, he hates the singing. I do too, but it's adorable at the same time. A little while ago, he was speaking of another life... a game. Talking about how awesome it is. I think those lives are awesome too, he probably just doesn't know it.

He made me feel important when he sat beside me as we all watched the life before us. He makes me feel important every time he speaks to me. Every time he laughs with me. Every time he even looks at me, even if it's just for a second (literally). 

A girl told me that him and I look cute together... I believe it. Her and another girl said we should be together... I believe it too. I think we should, but that's because I really do... I really do love him. I just feel it. I can tell.

But he doesn't see me the way I see him. I mean, it's good, I guess. I don't want his words to be a plain clone of my words. I want him to like me, because he likes me. I don't want him to pretend it.

I guess I'm happy he was honest with me before. I just wish he could get to know me more before he denies me. :/

He never talked to me at all today!

Webs.com is too... eh.

Stupid project.

My new room.

Well it is my room, just not my bedroom anymore. I changed it around on today. I had the help of my dad, moving around the furniture and moving my bed back into my old room. I took my Kurt Cobain poster out of this room and put it into my bedroom. I don't know exactly why, I just did.

This is obviously my bookcase. Yea, it's crooked, but it's because there's a receptacle that I need to use. I don't have a lot of books yet, because I used to just read books from my school library, but I'm not going to do that anymore. The books on that shelf are mine. The first book coming from the top right is the one I'm reading currently, Gone, Baby, Gone. It's about a little girl who's lost and they're trying to find her and wondering if her mother is to blame. It's very interesting.

This is my closet, where I put the clothes I know for sure I'll be wearing. I'll also mainly put my jackets and coats in there. And there's the two mirrors I always use.

That's... just a dresser. With a religious place thing on the top. I really don't know what it's called, okay?

This is my room.. I use it only for reading, writing, and sometimes drawing.

I'm writing my own book.

Not much to it yet. I just finished the first chapter. It's about a girl who has started a hard life and decides because she can't take it anymore that she's going become a runaway. She lives in a subway station and her life is awful, but better than at home. Her father abuses her and her mother emotionally abuses her. Her mother tells her everything from she's a bad daughter to she wishes she never had a child like her.

The story is called Bruises of Emmy and I hope it'll become very liked when and if I get known for my writings. This is a really big dream of mine and it means the world if it'll come true. I really want this book published before I turn sixteen. That's my goal. My biggest goal.

.

.

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/aimie-park

Michael.

Lisa Marie Presley is on the cover of Michael. She is on the right, just under Brooke Shields. I circled the spot she's in with red.

The Story of Aimie Dawn.

Well, I changed the name AGAIN.

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/the-story-of-aimie-dawn

12.15.10

Filled with happiness, so happy, so unexplainable at the same time. Sweet, funny, and smart, he is. Wishing the snow didn't come, just to see him. But the snow mocked me, it came even though I wished so hard that it wouldn't. I think it hates me. I think it gets laughter from tormenting me. I want to go to school, but only for one reason... him. I wanted the snow to come during the weekend at least. My wish was to see him today.

Some people might not see him the way I do, but I think he's gorgeous. I was happier than I've ever been to meet him. He noticed me and that's all it took to make me happy. I was out all last week {except Monday} because I was seriously depressed, so depressed and hardly anyone knows what shit I was going through. But due to him noticing me and joking, it made me happy and it made me laugh. Truly.

He called me cute. I don't believe it, but it made me feel... unexplainable. Yes, unexplainable is how I felt. He called me sweet and funny. He told me he hopes it wouldn't snow today because he wants to see me. He held the same wish as me. And I think he is as disappointed as I am also.

He took my heart before I could say no.

I can't wait to see him. Whichever day it is. I can't wait to speak to him. Whichever day it is.

He walked up to me when I asked another boy if my mascara was messed up. I was nervous because a boy has never gotten that close to me before. He checked my face, to see if my mascara was running down since the other didn't know one clue what mascara was. Something came up, God knows what, and that all started the "Don't hurt me." inside joke. Which he kept saying all day, every time he saw me. At lunch, I caught him with his eyes on me. When my class was leaving, I felt as if he was running up to me. I think he did. He walked beside me, I asked him for his name, which he answered, "Tyler." I've always loved that name. His nickname is TJ. People call him TJ. In math, I finally joked, "Don't make me hurt you." and he laughed, "Please don't!" This time, I caught him glancing at me a million times. He looked back and smiled. Two of those times, he waved at me. In that class, he answered all the questions he raised his hand to answer correct. He's very smart! I was leaving the school building for the school bus on the end of the school hours. He ran up to me again to catch up with me. He said "Hey!" and walked beside me. He told me his bus is #37, which some buses from the bus I get on, which is #69. I asked if he had a Facebook, then he said, "Yes, I'll add you." I asked him for his last name. He told me he liked me and he asked me out on Facebook. Probably because he is shy. I've really fallen for him.

I changed the name of my group.

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/letters-from-aimie-dawn

Writing for English class topic.

This is a writing topic for my English class. We have to write to an imaginary editor about his idea to make schools 'better' by using online.

To Editor:

I've come across your idea, thinking of a new thing for schooling. Well I honestly don't think it'll work. No one's really going to agree to this but some students. Though I do think it's a good idea as well as a bad one.

Good idea for the students living in the outlying, rural areas. Since they're farther away form school than the rest. It'll take longer for them to get there. It could very much so make them tardy. Also the buses may not be able to pick them up if they're that far in the rural.

Then as I think about it more, it's a bad idea. (Not offending you, by the way.) For one, the students wouldn't be able to genuinely befriend anyone new since they aren't technically meeting the other students. It could effect their social life in a negative way. It could lead to depression. And they'd get bored.

Even though some classes might have webcams, others might not. That could lead to lack of paying attention to the ones that don't. The teachers wouldn't know if the student is paying attention or not. I mean, sure, if they weren't answering the teacher, then he/she would notice. But I think you get my point. By this they could start failing.

I hope you take the time to read my response to your idea. I notice your goal trying to help students. Though try to understand where I'm coming from. This is not the idea you thought it to be.

.

Language of my Heart.

The thing inside me that supposedly keeps me alive is mocking me. It pains me to breathe. It pains me to speak. It pains me to do anything. Is it my heart that's the voice? Or my soul? I keep imagining it'll stop. Stop just in a snap of fingers. Then I think to myself, No! I'm not going to let it control me. I, myself, has to talk control of it. I am the controller! Soul beats heart. Soul is stronger than heart. Soul will not allow heart to control it. But it doesn't work completely. It mocks me with pain. Unbearable that I just have to take something.

It loves for me to cry. It loves for me to hurt. It loves to effect me. It loves to pain me. Often, I can hear my own heart beat. I don't know the language. Translate please? I yearn to know what my heart's trying to tell me. Will it ever learn my language? Can I teach it? Does it know my language and just trying to torment me by only speaking in its language?

Grandmother illusion. Is it her?

Why do I see illusions at night? Are they crying? Are they here to protect me? Are they here to harm me? Try to make me happy? Keep me alive? Kill me slowly? I finally sat on my bed for the first time in forever. Now I don't want to leave. Not at all. I don't even want to get up from my bed. Maybe the illusion is my grandmother. Sweet, beautiful grandmother. I think she wants me to come with her. Maybe I will.

Drake Bell song I used to always listen to! And I'm in love with it again!

A Whole Mess of Aimie Dawn.

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/a-whole-mess-of-aimie-dawn
I made this spot for my friends so we can all express ourselves, it'll be kind of like an advice spot and receive advice spot. We can just rant about anything. We can add any content (appropriate) that we want.

New Hairdo.

About an hour ago, I got my hair layered. It's more easier to deal with. I'm using mousse to curl it up, then I have to let it dry.  I was trying to make my hair look like this girl's from the movie Uncle Buck.

I think her hair is so pretty, beautiful, and gorgeous. I'm really trying to tame my hair to be like hers as much as I can. I know it's an '80s style and this is the 2010s, but I just adore it and it seems like my style. I'll post a picture of my new hair once I get a good one taken. Wish me luck!

Attacks.

It overcame me yesterday. I was a mess. Why won't it stop attacking me? It pains me, it makes me cry. I just wonder why it has to pick me to attack. It's imaginary claws clawed against my skin, leaving burned and tender marks. It marked where it clawed me. It leaves a mark for every time it attacks me. I'm too young to receive all this pain, aren't I?
But it doesn't seem to care. It just gets happiness from my pain, it seems. I try to run away from it, I fail. I try to fight it, I fail. I try to get help, I fail. I try to cover myself, I fail. Everything I do, I fail. Nothing will stop it from attacking me. I had to go to the hospital because it attacked me too much one night. I was crying on the hospital bed. I was scared, afraid, worried, concerned about myself. I didn't know what to do. They said they would help. They said I needed to spend the night at another hospital to get rid of it.
Do you think it worked.. ? Ah... no! It got angry that I was trying to leave it, so it attacked me worse. I wanted home, I wanted my parents. They helped at least a little. I just couldn't stay there one more second. You don't deserve home, it said. You like the attacks, it said another time. You don't deserve ANYONE!, it screamed in my ear.
I wanted out. And it still attacks me now. I try my best to fight it though. It insults me, it frightens me, it takes everything I have. They tell me, Oh, it'll get better! One day, I'm not going to be able to take it anymore. I'll just end it right there. Since I really don't believe them.

Don't make me hate you.

How many times do I have to tell you to quit it?
From my power, you've taken every bit.
You've thrown me against the wall. My head's been hit.
Can't you see I can't take this anymore? Don't you see it?
I'm really finding some hate for you, so just can it!

This is to a girl from school who told me to burn in hell.

Rachel wrote this.

http://pretendrose.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-sister.html

Rach, my sister...

Fanpop is receiving thanks from me. The reason why is since that's where Rachel and I first starting speaking to each other. Also where we first decided we were going to be sisters. I remember we were talking about Michael Jackson and his music, then Heath Ledger and his acting, and other music. That's when we started speaking on Formspring, when she had a Christina Aguilera picture for her main picture and a Michael Jackson (from the BAD video) as her background. I really don't know how I remember that. Haha.
Later on, there was this "Sister" thing that some MJ fan suggested on doing and she made a spot for it. I remember Rachel saying how much she disliked that idea and how stupid it was. I can't stop laughing as I think back on this. It's just funny. Then I asked if we could be sisters and she said yes. Lmao! I'm really happy that fan suggested on that idea or we probably wouldn't be sisters.
When I was on that spot, I asked a question suggesting that for each sisters, there should be a spot. So Rachel and I made a spot when I was named as "Vexi". Our spot was called "Vexel". Now that I look back, I really miss that spot. I really, really do!
Rachel was supposed to come to my home state this Christmas break, but that was cancelled due to her dad's work schedule. I'm not mad, just depressed about it. I was so happy that she was coming that I didn't even think of what I wanted for Christmas. Instead of Christmas, she said she might ask him about Spring break. I hope she can, I really want to meet my best friend.
Rachel is my best friend, even though we've never met. No friend from school has actually ever listened to my cries and tried their best giving me all the advice they could give. Rachel has. She cheers me up and makes me laugh. She's hilarious and she's crazy. Not bad crazy, but the crazy that makes people laugh. Whoever hates on her or doesn't like her, well I just want to say, they're missing out, because Rachel is a sweet, beautiful, friendly, and helpful person. She's there. Her and Lisa Marie are tied of who I want to meet the most. Lmao. I love you, Rach, my sister. :]

What being a fan means.

It's sort of funny that I'm over here trying to explain what it means to be a fan of Michael. It's hard to find words and phrases to describe. But I really want to try. I'm curious if I can explain at all.
Well being a fan of Michael, I'm a completely inspired person. It means that my heart is in helping out now and I really want to help out more often and be apart of organizations that help with the planet and people. It means that we're inspired by a beautiful man, that he's pretty much the reason we see the world we do today.

I'm inspired more in singing and in writing music by Michael. Being a fan, it means that we have a soul for music. That we have a true heart for music. Michael showed us what music truly is and means. It means, as fans, that we know it now. And we know what soul is.

Michael showed us how it looks like to love being on stage and to not be able to stop dancing. It means that most of us are interested in dancing by what we see of him on stage.

Being a fan of Michael means that we love him not because everyone surrounding us does. We love him because we truly, from the bottom of our hearts, do. It means we defend him from harsh people who throw stones. We don't rest until it's cleared. We don't give up. We don't believe anything the media says of him without researching it. We know what Michael says about music, the planet, the media, Sony, and the stone-throwers.

We know.

Kalyn, my sister...

Kalyn is not the troll everyone labels her as. She has told me a million times she doesn't troll and of course, yes, I believe her! Because she's my sister. She's one of my best friends. She's totally trustworthy, because I've told her so much and she's never told anyone. I can trust her with anything. Now, I'm really getting sick of everyone saying there's proof from just http://www.formspring.me/------/question/------. I know they can say that a trillion times that it's proof, but if you really think about it, it's not. There's no solid proof to it. That troll can be anybody. It could be me! (Which it's definitely not. Just making a point here.) And the things that troll says doesn't sound like Kalyn at all. She would never say those nasty words. Kalyn has sense, y'know!
Well, out of that mess, Kalyn is my sister. She is a best friend. She is important to me. She is sweet. She is amazing. I love her, and as she'd say "No homo." Haha. She's always there for me. When I feel down, she knows it by my style of typing. So she cheers me up the best she can. That's how caring she is. And to show her I appreciate it, I'm there for her. I always will be. I'll never let anyone hurt her or insult her and get away with it. It's the honest truth. That's why I got in that huge fight some days ago when most were insulting her and naming her as a troll. I wouldn't take it. I couldn't.
I wrote this because Kalyn wrote something about me. (Well when I was Lisvana.) I think it's one of the most sweetest things anyone's ever said about me. It's so sweet and I completely love the writing from the bottom of my heart. Thank you Kalyn for the writing and being there for me! :]

Feeling bad? Ah... no.

This place is a much better place to help my feeling. I actually feel comfortable talking out since there's hardly anyone. Just me and her. But I do miss the other, I just couldn't stay. I wonder if I'll feel better after I talk to her today. I'll write again later.

I do feel my heart's feeling more safe.. more loving.. more like it will stay alive. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I not feel dark? No. I'm still the same, just not as much after I talked. I talked about this harsh, harsh beast with her, how much those stones the beast threw painfully hurt while they were cut through my skin. We spoke how I'd deal with it. I suggested that I'd ask Greg how to survive.

Greg said I shouldn't worry about everything I missed. Greg will get me to catch up on Monday morning. I bet the others won't even care about my disappearance at all... so I'll be left alone once more...

Then leaving with my dad, we were singing on the way back. He said that I could sing Shania Twain, especially "From This Moment On". But I was.. I felt totally better after talking with her and I loved singing. It always makes me better.

New MJTP fan.

MJTP is a tribute to Michael Joseph Jackson. I admire it. I'm proud to be a dot! I know from my mind that Michael would appreciate it and love everyone from the site/tribute from the bottom of his heart. There is no doubt from me. I just wish he could see. Just appear at least once to see all the love coming from each fan. And all the love is for one man, you Michael, you beautiful soul.

http://michaeljacksontributeportrait.com/profile.php?user=AimieDawn

I thought I was going to finish the video today...

The video that I was just talking about below... well, yeah, I'm not going to finish it soon. This stuff is really starting to irritate me to the bone. I mean, I'm downloading whatever I need, then it's saying I can't use it and it's just taking me forever. I really want to make this video, but... it's not working properly.

Michael Jackson Fan Video.

Well... I was thinking of making a video for Michael Jackson, more than a music artist, more than an entertainer, more than a legend, he was a human. The song for the video will be "Halo" by Beyonce. I find this song so beautiful and it fits Michael almost perfectly. So I'll be taking a while on this video since I'm a huge fan of Michael. I really hope this video goes well.